Life on the hill

Making an effort

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 23:32:10 GMT

So I tried to post the literature meme the other day, got interupted (as usual) and for some reason LJ didn't save the draft for me :( Maybe I'll try again some other time.

The latest news here is that we are refurnishing Michelle's room for her birthday (since she climbed out of her crib a month ago, the furnishings have only consisted of her (new) bed - we had to remove all of the things she could climb up on (and fall off of) while not going to sleep.) She'll be getting a wicker chest with cushions on top so she can sit on it (sturdy enough to stand on), but even more fun to hide inside), a table for her keyboard (which will be bolted to the table), plastic crates for her toys, and a rug with roads and castles and things printed on it (to play on), and awall lap that will go next to her bed so she can read at night (bad habits must be started early!). Will try to find a bean bag for her to sit on as well, but they were all out at the store today. I did get a child's size table and two chairs for her to use in the kitchen, though.

Tomorrow I am making a quick visit to Gothenburg to pick up a 5-month old Flatcoated Retriever puppy. I have known of him for some time, but had given up on being able o go get him, as I can't drive back and forth on my own and bringing the whole family is too much hassel. Luckily, my BIL and his girlfriend mentioned wanting to go the Liseberg amusement park up there, so now I have a back-up driver for when I get too tired to drive and/or June starts fussing in the car.
Speaking of fussy babies...

Back to life

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:29:06 GMT

Workmen in the cellar, installing a new furnace. Water cut off for most of the day. Cat wooshed off to the vet after getting her butt kicked by some other alpha-cat. Sore throats among all the humans in house. A new flare of arthritis tells me that the hormonal honeymoon is over...
My brain slowly returns from it's hibernation. I begin to eye the Henry James novel my sister left for me a month ago. When there is time...
For now, I live through other's blogs and discussion group entries: I experience the horror of a cancer diagnosis, the beauty of Baltic amber, the day-to-day challenges of being a working mother, the sadness of death and the joys of raising children - through others' words. I wonder things like, how did my LJ friends come to know that they were feminists? What important things did their parents teach them about life, when they were growing up? And did those lessons include how to make one's self happy?
Only you can tell me...

Fine!!!

Thu, 22 May 2008 21:34:49 GMT

I'm fine, just busy. The baby is fine too, although she has colic. We knew what was wrong at the first scream, so no dairy for me and June gets two massages a day. It's nowhere near as bad as it was with Michelle.

Once again, I am more fine than I should be, in fact. No achy joints, even if I take a walk. No fatigue (just your standard, run-of-the-mill, sleep-deprivation). I'm thinking of booking an appointment with my GP, that is, if she'll see me just because I am doing too well. I'm thinking maybe I just have hormone issues. Maybe there is a pill I can take to feel this good all the time?

Playing God

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:01:58 GMT

splash
Originally uploaded by berchshill

Today I killed my best friend. Other dog owners might put it differently; they might say they "put their dog to sleep", "euthanized" it or "put it to rest". But why mince words? Why deny the power structure that allows us humans to decide when a pet has lived long enough? We literally kill our darlings. We play God in the worst possible way.
I wish it had been a less grueling choice to make. If Hoshi's cancer had come back or if she had a more acute illness... but her health detiorated so gradually. It's been eighteen months since she was diagnosed with spondylosis deformans. Back then we were worried that her limp was caused by the return of the cancer in her leg. Although spondylosis is a degenerative disease, the months, rather than weeks, she had ahead of her before she would need major surgery (that it would have been sadistic to put her through) seemed like an eternity. But reality caught up with us all too soon.
It took a sudden aggressive outburst for us to see what it had been more convenient to ignore: Hoshi couldn't do many of the Hoshi-things she enjoyed - like playing tug-o-war, engaging in search or agility training, chasing cars along the fence like a maniac, (although she did give the occational tractor a run for its money). In the winter we couldn't keep her in the dog run for more than a couple of hours anymore because the pain got worse with the cold. She was constantly on a diet because less weight would mean less pressure on her spine. Who wouldn't be cranky? Hoshi wasn't able to be Hoshi anymore...
But she could still bite like Hoshi. Only now she bit without warning and you can't have that kind of behaviour with two small children in the house.
I lived with Hoshi for a little over eight years. She wasn't the best dog ever, but she was aggravatingly smart, she got me out of bed when no one else could, I wouldn't have met Mikael without her, and we had quite a few laughs together. One could argue that with a friend like Hoshi, who needs enemies? She had quite a temper. You had to work for her respect - she was no Golden Retriever that loved the world and anybody with a chewy stick. She taught me a million things about dogs and leadership and stress-management and about myself. As she drew her final breath I felt infinitely grateful to her and infinitely guilty.
For the last 24 hours of her life, we pumped her full of painkillers and took her for a long walk, let her swim at the beach, fed her ham and hotdogs, let her chase sticks to her heart's content and have a good sniff around every nook and cranny of the kitchen floor. I wish I could have made every day of her life like that. I wish...
I wish I didn't have to make the call I did.
My best friend is gone.

Birth of the Bean

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 11:39:58 GMT

Part II - Woohoo!
It turned out that midwife #2 was the maternity ward's expert on acupuncture. Literally, as I was getting into the tub, she put eight needles in my back, four in each ear, one on my forehead and one on the crown of my head. She instructed me in how to lie in the tub so as to help the baby twist around during contractions and so that I could relax completely in between. She also told me that she had read my birthing plan and that she was on the same page. Woohoo!

The midwife and I chatted a bit about my choice of this hospital and how I came to decide on late clamping of the umbilical cord. I explained that I had been reading up on studies on the subject and that a friend's recent negative birthing experience had basically sealed the deal for me. The midwife told me that people from the east coast actually rented summer houses nearby so as to be able to give birth at this hospital.
Now submerged in the water, I had a different kind of contraction than the previous ones,or any contraction I have felt before, for that matter. Swedes differentiate between "regular" labor contractions and "pushing" contractions and have different expressions for the two. There is a physical difference as well: the uterus has a much more distinct vertical movement that is obvious to the observer. If one likens a regular contraction to banging away at a nail with a child's rubber toy hammer, a "pushing" contraction is like that toy hammer suddenly becoming a jackhammer. Now, a little early in my labor, somebody plugged in the jackhammer.
Luckily, only every other contraction was that intense. So for half an hour in the bath I relaxed, did my shallow breathing and struggled not to push. I knew the contractions would be stronger once I got out, but finally there was no sense in putting it off any longer. I stepped out and dried myself off - contraction - I put my hospital gown back on - contraction - walked back down the hall to my room, supported by Mikael - contraction - the midwife did a quick internal exam - 7 cm - strapped on the sensor for the CTG-machine and with the next contraction my water broke.
Somehow I was back on the bed, the midwife was saying something to somebody about bradycardia. Suddenly a doctor and another midwife were in the room introducing themselves and I knew what that meant, but for some reason it didn't worry me. I was told to keep one leg up in the air, which was uncomfortable, and then roll slightly to my right, which was even more uncomfortable. But that was nothing compared to enduring another internal exam in this awkward position during the next contraction.
As I was prepped for the OR (just in case they had to perform a C-section) I asked the midwife what her plan was. "Well, the baby has twisted around and you're dilated 10 cm, but there's a little lip left..." Lip-shlip! But we didn't have time to discuss matters any further because the doctor was back in my line of vision again saying "I want to get that baby out now".
"Ok, let's try this then," said the midwife.
Finally! I was allowed to roll back onto my back and the midwives held my legs as I pushed. Apparently the midwife manually pushed back the lip, but I didn't even notice. With the first push I felt a slight burning, but nothing like what other mothers have described. I knew this was the time to wait, so I did for a few seconds, just long enough to think I was going to split open and then tell myself "No you're not, you can do this". Then somebody turned on the jackhammer again, the baby's head was out and I was told to wait again, but I couldn't and then there was baby June on my stomach.
It was eerily quiet for a few moments before June took her first breath and screamed ("It's cold dang it!!!") I wondered where the towels were and then I realized we were still connected. Her umbilical cord was allowed to finish pulsating before it was clamped, just as we had requested. Mikael heard the doctor thank the midwife for a job well-done. "If the doctor says he wants the baby out right away, we get the baby out right away," the midwife laughed. Everyone was pleased that a C-section had been avoided.
Mikael cut the cord and I looked over at the clock. It was nearly half past eleven - June was an anniversary baby! Finally warm towels arrived. I delivered the placenta and the midwife made one suture while June sucked on her bottom lip. Eventually I got her to take the nipple instead. We were told it had been a busy night and they were short on beds in the post-natal ward. Who'd have thought? Everyone had been so much more attentive and helpful than during Michelle's delivery that I had thought they were having a slow night.
Now the room was cleared and I suppose everyone was off to deliver another baby because June wasn't weighed for another hour. An extra bed was brought in so that Mikael could get some sleep before driving home. June shivered and whimpered in her bassinet, so I tucked her under my gown and held her there for a few hours. My baby wrap was still in the car, unfortunately, but I didn't mind staying up and listening to my family snore. In fact, it wasn't until sometime in the wee hours of the morning that it sank in what a great birthing experience I had just had, without ether or an epidural.

Birth of the Bean

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 11:14:24 GMT

Part I - Premonitions
After 10 days of Braxton-Hicks contractions, trying to squat, walk and yoga my labor into starting, I finally decided to just chill out and let nature take its course. On March 26th, me and Mikael's third wedding anniversary, I awoke at 2 a.m. with a contraction that actually hurt, if only mildly. After another two contractions, I was awake enough to roll over. The pain immediately subsided and I spent the next couple of hours waiting for the next contraction. Finally I drifted off to sleep again.

Daylight met us with several inches of snow and pristine, white, un-ploughed roads. The snow didn't show any sign of letting up, so rather than drive Mikael to the train station, sleep for another two hours and then drive to Helsingborg for a pregnancy check-up, I decided to simply go with Mikael into town - in this kind of weather, it would be nice to have him within hollering distance for the day.
After dropping Mikael at work, I took the opportunity to visit a friend in Helsingborg who has a two-month old baby and consequently hasn't been getting out much. She needed to do some shopping, so after a nice lunch of take-away pizza, I went to my doctor's appointment, and then we met up again downtown. Despite my lack of sleep, I wasn't feeling tired at all as we browsed through toy stores and other shops. The snow was completely gone again and the sun was shining.
At a quarter to four I got in the car to pick up Mikael. At five to four I had a contraction... and at two past four, nine past four, sixteen past four. I let Mikael drive so I could keep an eye on the clock (and eat a hamburger). At Michelle's pre-school, I switched to the driver's seat so Mikael could eat his burger before it got cold. The contractions were requiring my concentration more now, but I managed not to drive off the road during the two I had to endure on the way home.
Once we were through the door I started using the TENS-unit and bounced on my Pilates ball during contractions. Meanwhile, Mikael went about calling his brother and his family to come babysit and got Michelle fed and ready for bed. At 7 p.m. I had the last of my things for the hospital packed, the sitters had arrived, Michelle was in bed and my contractions were four minutes apart. I called the hospital and the midwife who answered told me to come right in. This was the first sign that I was in for a different experience than when I had Michelle.
An hour later I was Lamaze-breathing my way up to the maternity ward of the hospital. When we walked through the door, midwife #1 met us in the hallway and showed us to our room. No, there was no question of whether we could stay or not: this was my room and I could make myself (relatively) comfortable right away. It was quickly established that my cervix was only dilated 2 cm, but by the time Mikael had move the car to long-term parking, I had unpacked and changed and the contractions and the baby's heartrate had been monitored by the CTG-machine, midwife #2's shift began and I was dilated 5 cm.
Despite the way things were going, I was beginning to worry: I had to use the shallowest breathing technique through each contraction and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it up all night. I sat on my knees in the hospital bed and leaned over a Pilates ball during contractions, but the pain was getting worse and more similar to the pain I had in my rear during Michelle's labor.
The new midwife informed me that the Bean was currently in the posterior position, so now the focus was on the immediate task of getting the baby to twist around. There wasn't much more I could do on dry land, so I asked them to fill the bathtub.

The bean has a name

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 20:43:39 GMT

IMG_1452
Originally uploaded by berchshill

After much procrastinating (mainly on her father's part), we have named our bean June Christine Andersson, after two of her aunts.
I have written down the story of her birth in Swedish, but there has been no time to translate it yet because poor June has had a terrible cold for the past week. Our days and nights have been all about snot and feeding, but I think she is out of the woods now.
Feel free to cross your fingers anyway!

Another one who takes after her father

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:07:25 GMT

IMG_1399
Originally uploaded by berchshill

Mother of two

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:01:34 GMT

IMG_1389
Originally uploaded by berchshill

Our bean popped out on Wednesday, March 26th at 11.24 p.m. - how about that for a wedding anniversary gift? :)
She weighed 3625g and was 49 cm tall.
We are all home and well.
More later!

D-day

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 10:49:00 GMT

Still having Braxton-Hicks contractions day and night. During the weekend I have danced, walked, tried yoga, bounced on my pilates ball, bathed, visited friends and family... I even tried out the TENS-unit on a shoulder that keeps cramping, but still no signs of imminent childbirth.

I am BORED! (and my shoulder is killing me today).

Today is my official due date, although according to Babyzone.com (that takes the leap year into consideration and was right on the money last time) the baby was due on Sunday.

Due-date shmoo-date!

Yikes

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 08:02:33 GMT

The TENS unit finally arrived yesterday and I have been having Braxton-Hicks contractions since Sunday. According to some theories (as well as Murphy's Law), this means the baby will be born sometime in the middle of the snowstorm we are expecting on Friday and Saturday.

I feel ready to go into labor, but I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mother of two. I mean, yikes!

Babies

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 10:47:23 GMT

If reebert hasn't had her baby by the end of today, I am revising everything I thought I knew about childbirth.

The countdown can begin?

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 10:03:29 GMT

I was mistaken when I said that I would be fully prepared for the Bean's arrival after my appointment with the midwife in Halmstad - I now find myself waiting for a TENS unit to be delivered by a seller on Tradera.se (Sweden's version of Ebay)wo gets widely varied customer-satisfaction ratings. Some of his customers say he takes forever to deliver, others say he is very speedy. I emailed him to point out that I am due to deliver any time now, but haven't received a reply.
I can borrow a TENS unit while at the delivery ward, but, as the midwife pointed out, the best thing is to have one so that I can manage labor at home as well. Renting a TENS unit costs 470 SEK for a month, which I think is a bit over the top. The known name-brands cost around 1000 SEK to buy, but then there was this seller on Tradera who sells new Chinese-manufactured TENS units. The "buy it now" prices tend to be around 250 SEK, but I bid on one during the last minute of an auction and got it for 77 SEK. For that price I am willing to run the risk of it being crap. I really would like to own a decent TENS unit, since I can use it for my rheumatic pain as well.
The Bean has moved lower in my pelvis and I have been having night-sweats - a sure sign that my hormones are up to something. I don't dare assume that the Bean will arrive any day now, considering the wait reebert is going through, but I dare not assume Bean will wait until my due date either. No one in the group for March-babies I am in on sjalbarn.se has carried their babies until their due date (so far) (and 34% of over 80 respondents in a poll I posted had their second child in under 4 hours, counting from the first labor contraction!)
The bag is packed, Mikael has finally gotten better about having his cell phone on him at all times at work, and I am getting all the rest I can between nesting-instinct-provoked cleaning sprees. Now if that dang TENS unit will just get here already!

Almost ready

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:41:58 GMT

Today they called from Halmstad, saying I could come speak with a counsellor at the maternity ward on Tuesday. So unless something really unexpected happens, I will indeed be fully prepared for the bean's arrival.
I have made a list of what to bring to the hospital, moved the baby car seat from the closet to the actual car, and clothes and diapers and things have been ready for weeks. The only thing that has made me panic in the last few days is the thought of how Michelle will be affected if I have another long labor and have to spend most of it at the hospital. She is used to doing without me, but I want her to have as much access to her daddy as possible while I of course will be needing him myself during labor.

Don't let me get me!*

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 06:47:19 GMT

So after a few hours of confidence in this whole birth thing last night, I started reading up on other people's birthing-plans so I could compose one of my own without the help of a midwife, if need be. I quickly realised how many things I had forgotten to ask about at the hospital in Halmstad and grew anxious. When I get anxious at night, I can't go to bed. At the same time, I was too tired to get anything useful done and so it was late-night tv and Scrabble for me until 2 a.m.
Ridiculous.
I generally try to avoid thinking about upsetting issues at night and I have been fairly successful for quite some time now. Lord help me, when I start feeling pessimistic about one thing, I get pessimistic and anxious about EVERYTHING and that is just the sort of thing that put me on meds in the first place. But then when I wake up in the morning, everything is fine and shiny and new.
Have I mentioned that I hate mood-swings?
I guess some anxiety is to be expected in one's last month of pregnancy, so I'll ust have to go with the flow.
Wheee!

*As Pink would put it

Deliver us in Halmstad

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:49:14 GMT

So today I went up to Halmstad to check out their maternity ward. The difference between Halmstad and Helsingborg was subtle, but enough to make me feel inclined to drive an extra 15 minutes to get to Halmstad when the time comes. They were surprised to hear that the staff in Helsingborg only offered acupuncture for relaxation and not for pain relief, and that there could possibly be a need for the father to sleep in the delivery room (in Helsingborg they have fold out beds for the fathers). So I guess 60-hour deliveries are unheard of up there. They also seem to know their Lamaze.
Another woman who was there for the tour was pleasantly surprised to hear that they never run out of delivery rooms. She had apparently had her first baby somewhere very busy and been left to her own devices during the greater part of her labour. The staff we met seemed very calm and pleasant. The ward has its own OR for C-sections and they also have several incubators, should the need arise. Otherwise the ward seemed small and modern, and an extra bonus is that the postnatal ward is just upstairs, whereas in Helsingborg one is banished to the basement after delivery.
The only thing they were unsure of was whether they would be able to fit me in for a counseling session before my due date, so I might have to turn somewhere else for help with my birth plan and a review of my chart from Michelle's delivery (to help dispel my post-traumatic stress issues). But if I go into labor tomorrow, Halmstad will still be my first choice.

No update

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 22:02:15 GMT

... from reebert today. Hm...

Limbo

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:58:12 GMT

I'm having a bit of trouble with my nerves this week - too many things I can't do anything about.

My last visit to the midwife was cancelled because both she and I were sick and none of the regular staff were working either, so I couldn't get another appointment until two weeks later, and this at a time when I am supposed to see the midwife every two weeks. At the same time, reading my medical chart from Michelle's birth has gotten me nervous enough to want to get an appointment with a hospital counselor so before the Bean arrives, but that can only be done through my midwife. I need to call and ask her to set it up, but since I go to a small, private clinic, there won't be anyone there to answer the phone until Monday. Sure, it won't kill me to wait another few days, but it's frustrating and I am not sleeping well.

Then there is my grandmother. Due to the current state of affairs with my Mom, she isn't very forthcoming with information, but I do know that my grandmother had a stroke on Saturday, has been very confused since and that aside from being admitted to a hospital, she hasn't been receiving any treatment. No scans, no change in her usual anti-coagulant medication, nothing. I can't even be there to reassure her that nobody is putting drugs in her food, or to calm whatever other fears she has, not that I know if she would know me even if I was there.

I always feel stupid to let things I can't do anything about bother me and I easily slip into thinking nothing is wrong since there's nothing wrong that I can actually fix. That in turn is what used to lead to my panic attacks. So, just so I'm not overwhelmed by feelings of dread and insufficiency, I want to acknowledge to myself and the world that things could be better, even if they could be worse.

Childbirth, Day 3 - The Home Stretch

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 16:50:37 GMT

So now I was back at the delivery ward, writhing in pain and teary eyed. The same midwife as the one that admitted me the day before was on call and spent some time talking to me. I tried to explain in what way the contractions hurt (like someone trying to pull your spine out through your anus) and we came to the conclusion that there actually was something abnormal going on... not that she made any note of this in my chart. I thought maybe the type of pain I had (called "back labor") had to do with my previous problems with endometriosis, but the midwife pointed out that Michelle was in the posterior position, i.e. with the back of her head against my tailbone, and didn't seem to have decided whether to twist towards the right or left. In the meantime, my cervix was only open 2 cm.

Babies rotate as they are pushed through the pelvis during delivery, in most "normal" cases ending up face down, with the back towards the mother's front. Michelle, however, never rotated at all. Not that anybody pointed out this out to me during the following 15 hours or explained what I might do to ease the particular type of pain this causes, but now I'm getting ahead of myself.
The midwife showed me how to use a wonderful little device called a TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) machine. I was also given another shot of morphine and spent the next couple of hours dozing. When I awoke, I walked around and tried to convince the baby to drop lower.
At 4 p.m. a new midwife started her shift. This was one determined woman. She had me take another bath, but for all it's pain relief, it still didn't help my labor along. So at 7.30 p.m. she pried my cervix open to 3 centimeters so she could break the water, had me put on an epidural and said, This baby will be born by morning"
Woohoo!
Well, I didn't actually say "Woohoo", I was too exhausted and out of it. But I dozed a bit more and awoke to meet the seventh midwife. This one picked up where super-midwife had left off, monitoring Michelle's heartrate and the acid base balance in her blood. My cervix dilated only one centimeter in three hours and the midwife added more oxytocin to my drip to speed things up. At 2:30 in the morning, after a couple of refills of my epidural, Michelle started showing signs of stress. Her ph levels dropped below 7.2 and suddenly I was being asked if I could push as the midwife pried my cervix open the last couple of centimeters.
I couldn't feel anything anyway, so I said, "Sure, why not?" But now we were in a rush. The midwife said the baby had to be out in ten minutes or I was having a c-section. Suddenly the room was full of people and I was told that the OR was ready, just in case. One of the people in the room was apparently a doctor with a vacuum extractor. Together we got Michelle out at 3:42 a.m.
I had a quick glance of a grey, slippery thing before they whisked her off to the changing table to suction her airways. Mikael stayed with Michelle as the midwife delivered the placenta - whoosh! Slowly, people started leaving the room and after a couple of minutes, Michelle was placed on my stomach, where she determinedly wriggled over to my breast and started sucking. I had a baby!

Frankly I was mainly relieved that the whole ordeal was over and surprised that there was actually something there for Michelle to eat. Her Apgar score was fine so we basically just ogled her until she fell asleep and we realized she needed something to wear.
So Michelle was clothed and photographed, ogled some more, and then we had breakfast. Some concern arose as to whether there was room for us in the postnatal ward, but I pointed out that the private room we had slept in on Saturday night probably hadn't been cleaned yet. So we returned to our private room - haha! - but only spent one night there, sick of the hospital as we were and unimpressed by the food they had to offer (clear soup and a sandwich for dinner after three days of labor? I mean: Come on!)

The whole world looked brand new as We left the hospital on the afternoon of July 4th, in the middle of a heat wave. Michelle slept the whole way home and Mikael drove as if there were raw eggs in the back seat rather than a baby. We were finally parents.

RIP

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 19:43:38 GMT

Just a shout-out to kejn who lost a loved-one today.
RIP Fatso.

Childbirth, Day 2

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:06:39 GMT

No, I haven't gone into pre-term labor.
I have been reading my medical chart from Michelle's birth and it occurred to me that it has been over a year and then some since I wrote about day 1, but it's now or never. I don't expect my memory of Michelle's delivery to serve me after the Bean arrives.
I left off on Saturday afternoon, when my contractions were regular again after failed attempts to stop them completely using medication.
By six p.m. it seemed like a good idea to go back to the hospital. This time I was determined to be admitted and we honestly thought we would be parents by morning.
The drive to the hospital was much more difficult this time, as my contractions were unbearable in the limited positions a car seat has to offer. So when a new midwife examined me and stated that I was only open one centimeter, I was pretty dismayed. Naturally, she tried to send me back home, but I stood my ground and pointed out that we didn't have a bathtub at home and had tried all of the other natural options for pain relief at our disposal, and the medications hadn't managed to stop my contractions the night before. Finally I was admitted and by nine p.m. I was in the bath.
Unfortunately, I have never been one of those people who can bathe for hours because the hot water first makes me drowsy, then light-headed. But the forty minutes I spent in the water were bliss. The contractions gained a little more momentum after I got out of the bathtub, but at 10.30 p.m., four hours after being admitted, my cervix has made no progress at all. The new midwife on call told me my contractions were just inefficient and my body was so tired that no progress could be expected during the night. She got me a private bedroom (where Mikael could sleep as well) in the postnatal ward, as the delivery ward was now full. I was given a shot of morphine along with a shot of Bricanyl in a new attempt to stop the contractions so that I could sleep. Lo and behold, I actually managed to sleep for two hours.
At four in the morning, a nurse checked in on me and I took the opportunity to ask for some food before the contractions got too bad again. Despite my somewhat renewed strength, the contractions had me grinding my teeth again by 8 a.m. I asked the new nurse on call if I could go back to the delivery ward for another bath and she said I had to see a midwife first. The midwife was making her rounds and should be in shortly. It took over three hours and 50 more contractions before we finally got hold of the midwife. Her offhand demeanor left me in tears, but finally I was wheeled back to the delivery ward.

Next: The home stretch

Improvements

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 18:09:32 GMT

Michelle used her arm a lot today and even sucked her left thumb, so she has pretty much recover from her fall. Unfortunately, she has also come down with a bad cold with an upper respiratory infection, so she has to stay home for at least another day and we have her on asthma medication again. Nonetheless, she was up to helping me bake an apple cake today and as I write this she is singing to her bunnies in her crib rather than sleep.

Too much drama

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:48:47 GMT

On Wednesday I got one of those phone calls that I really dread. Whenever the number for the day care center shows up on caller-ID, I know it's not good news. This time was the worse yet: immeadiately I heard a child, my child, crying in the background. A preschool teacher introduced herself told me that Michelle's teacher had "a lot to deal with" at the moment, but that Michelle had fallen and hurt her arm or leg (they weren't sure which), was extremely upset and could I come pick her up?
I quickly tossed together some ER neccessities and hightailed it to daycare. I found Michelle in the arms of her teacher who was trying to comfort her. She held her left arm in an unnatural position and I was instantly certain that we had to get to the ER. Only her teacher was talking and talking (out of shock, I guess) and it was several minutes before I had Michelle in my own arms. But then it became apparent that I wouldn't be able to strap her into the car seat - as soon as I so much as nudged her arm, she screamed even louder, so then we had to wait twenty minutes for an ambulance to arrive.
Michelle calmed down somewhat as I held her, but would then start crying again after less than a minute of whimpering. She just wasn't herself at all. I called Mikael to let him know what had happened, but I didn't know where to tell him to go, since Ängelholm has a very small hospital with few specialists and no children's ward. I also tried to get Michelle to tell me where it hurt, but she merely whimpered at my questions, so I focused on reassuring her instead. A little poking and prodding made it clear that her legs were fine in any event. The teacher explained how she had tripped indoors while carrying a toy phone and fallen on top of it.
Finally the ambulance arrived. The paramedics tried to examine Michelle but couldn't figure much out, so they strapped me onto a stretcher and I held Michelle in my lap as they too tried to figure out where to take her. The children's ward in Helsingborg was full, so Ängelholm it was. At the hospital they were quick to give Michelle a painkiller/sedative so that she could be examined, but unfortunately it was given anally and didn't take effect for more than an hour. After cutting her onesie off, they were able to establish that her ribs were fine at least. Then we were left waiting for more than three hours before they actually x-rayed her arm, by which time Michelle was hungry and thirsty, as well as tired.
I asked that they x-ray her hand as well, but the x-ray staff merely said that it seemed to the doctor that the problem was in her shoulder. The doctor himself had of course gone home by this time. So they took films of her collarbone, arm and wrist. As soon as the films came back negative, I gave Michelle some water, which calmed her down quite a bit. Half an hour later we met the new doctor on call and he discharged Michelle without examining her, explaining that she had no major bruising or swelling, so it was probably a sprained wrist or contusion and would heal by itself.
Now, two days later, I'm fairly sure her wrist is sprained and annoyed that they couldn't at least give her a bandage to support her wrist at the hospital. Luckily I had what I needed to do so at home and it seemed to make her much more comfortable, but I would still like to get a closer look at her hand to look for swelling around her fingers. Michelle won't suck her thumb and I haven't seen her move her ring or pinkie fingers at all. The problem is, she isn't sleeping well either, so I never get a chance to study her hand up close. When I ask her where it hurts, she points at an area on the back of her hand towards her wrist and says "arm".
I am grateful that we live in Sweden and all the care we received was free and insurance will cover any future problems that arise with Michelle's hand, but if she has a broken bone in her hand that has to be reset I will certainly raise hell. I feel like raising hell anyway, but that's just my motherly instinct getting the better of me. What happened to Michelle was purely accidental, I just can't stand seeing her suffer.

And it's a... ferret ?! (dream)

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 07:15:00 GMT

Last night I finally had the obligatory childbirth dream. When pregnant with Michelle, I dreamed that I gave birth to a basket of kittens. This time around it was a white ferret. I don't remember anything about the delivery itself, only trying to put a diaper and nightgown on the ferret after, and being concerned that people wouldn't leave us alone so that I could breastfeed her.
I was a bit concerned about the ferret's teeth as well...
Go figure.

And the ultrsound shows...

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 12:23:25 GMT

It's a girl!