Life on the hill

So I tried to post the literature meme the other day, got interupted (as usual) and for some reason LJ didn't save the draft for me :( Maybe I'll try again some other time.

The latest news here is that we are refurnishing Michelle's room for her birthday (since she climbed out of her crib a month ago, the furnishings have only consisted of her (new) bed - we had to remove all of the things she could climb up on (and fall off of) while not going to sleep.) She'll be getting a wicker chest with cushions on top so she can sit on it (sturdy enough to stand on), but even more fun to hide inside), a table for her keyboard (which will be bolted to the table), plastic crates for her toys, and a rug with roads and castles and things printed on it (to play on), and awall lap that will go next to her bed so she can read at night (bad habits must be started early!). Will try to find a bean bag for her to sit on as well, but they were all out at the store today. I did get a child's size table and two chairs for her to use in the kitchen, though.

Tomorrow I am making a quick visit to Gothenburg to pick up a 5-month old Flatcoated Retriever puppy. I have known of him for some time, but had given up on being able o go get him, as I can't drive back and forth on my own and bringing the whole family is too much hassel. Luckily, my BIL and his girlfriend mentioned wanting to go the Liseberg amusement park up there, so now I have a back-up driver for when I get too tired to drive and/or June starts fussing in the car.
Speaking of fussy babies...

Workmen in the cellar, installing a new furnace. Water cut off for most of the day. Cat wooshed off to the vet after getting her butt kicked by some other alpha-cat. Sore throats among all the humans in house. A new flare of arthritis tells me that the hormonal honeymoon is over...
My brain slowly returns from it's hibernation. I begin to eye the Henry James novel my sister left for me a month ago. When there is time...
For now, I live through other's blogs and discussion group entries: I experience the horror of a cancer diagnosis, the beauty of Baltic amber, the day-to-day challenges of being a working mother, the sadness of death and the joys of raising children - through others' words. I wonder things like, how did my LJ friends come to know that they were feminists? What important things did their parents teach them about life, when they were growing up? And did those lessons include how to make one's self happy?
Only you can tell me...

I'm fine, just busy. The baby is fine too, although she has colic. We knew what was wrong at the first scream, so no dairy for me and June gets two massages a day. It's nowhere near as bad as it was with Michelle.

Once again, I am more fine than I should be, in fact. No achy joints, even if I take a walk. No fatigue (just your standard, run-of-the-mill, sleep-deprivation). I'm thinking of booking an appointment with my GP, that is, if she'll see me just because I am doing too well. I'm thinking maybe I just have hormone issues. Maybe there is a pill I can take to feel this good all the time?

Today I killed my best friend. Other dog owners might put it differently; they might say they "put their dog to sleep", "euthanized" it or "put it to rest". But why mince words? Why deny the power structure that allows us humans to decide when a pet has lived long enough? We literally kill our darlings. We play God in the worst possible way.
I wish it had been a less grueling choice to make. If Hoshi's cancer had come back or if she had a more acute illness... but her health detiorated so gradually. It's been eighteen months since she was diagnosed with spondylosis deformans. Back then we were worried that her limp was caused by the return of the cancer in her leg. Although spondylosis is a degenerative disease, the months, rather than weeks, she had ahead of her before she would need major surgery (that it would have been sadistic to put her through) seemed like an eternity. But reality caught up with us all too soon.
It took a sudden aggressive outburst for us to see what it had been more convenient to ignore: Hoshi couldn't do many of the Hoshi-things she enjoyed - like playing tug-o-war, engaging in search or agility training, chasing cars along the fence like a maniac, (although she did give the occational tractor a run for its money). In the winter we couldn't keep her in the dog run for more than a couple of hours anymore because the pain got worse with the cold. She was constantly on a diet because less weight would mean less pressure on her spine. Who wouldn't be cranky? Hoshi wasn't able to be Hoshi anymore...
But she could still bite like Hoshi. Only now she bit without warning and you can't have that kind of behaviour with two small children in the house.
I lived with Hoshi for a little over eight years. She wasn't the best dog ever, but she was aggravatingly smart, she got me out of bed when no one else could, I wouldn't have met Mikael without her, and we had quite a few laughs together. One could argue that with a friend like Hoshi, who needs enemies? She had quite a temper. You had to work for her respect - she was no Golden Retriever that loved the world and anybody with a chewy stick. She taught me a million things about dogs and leadership and stress-management and about myself. As she drew her final breath I felt infinitely grateful to her and infinitely guilty.
For the last 24 hours of her life, we pumped her full of painkillers and took her for a long walk, let her swim at the beach, fed her ham and hotdogs, let her chase sticks to her heart's content and have a good sniff around every nook and cranny of the kitchen floor. I wish I could have made every day of her life like that. I wish...
I wish I didn't have to make the call I did.
My best friend is gone.

Part II - Woohoo!
It turned out that midwife #2 was the maternity ward's expert on acupuncture. Literally, as I was getting into the tub, she put eight needles in my back, four in each ear, one on my forehead and one on the crown of my head. She instructed me in how to lie in the tub so as to help the baby twist around during contractions and so that I could relax completely in between. She also told me that she had read my birthing plan and that she was on the same page. Woohoo!
( Continued... )